i really need stable/secure relationships i’m tired

i’m so tired

Mood swing.

It is eight in the evening and the feeling of loneliness had hit me harder than I have ever experienced.

I have been awake since five this morning and instantly I became overwhelmed with the feeling of being empty and alone.

There is nothing I want more than to start over. Than to go back and change who I am, to change who I became friends with, or falling in love altogether. Its all bullshit. Its bullshit and all I fucking do is care so fucking deeply but then I care too much and I get hurt and then I’m angry but I’m not allowed to fucking be angry either? How the fuck does that make sense? Am I supposed to sit in a fucking room all day and do nothing because I’m “too much to handle” and have “too much baggage”. There is too much to me. Too many thoughts not enough words, not enough thoughts too many words

I’m so fucking SICK of being treated like I am a child and I am so sick of not feeling like myself because i am so afraid of disappointing everyone or making people upset for being HUMAN. Sorry for wanting to be LOVED by someone who is SUPPOSED to love me back because that’s what you DO IN RELATIONSHIPS is BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER. I don’t understand how I’ve fallen so far off of the fucking track with my own life. I don’t understand.

I am not angry I am hurt. I am masking the sadness with anger. I am hurting and emotionally sick and to make it better I am fucking alone. And it is just really shitty.

God I am sad.


7:00 A.M.
I think back to that morning and I see you in your orange tiger T-shirt with your hair a mess, and your mind still half asleep. The warmth in your sheets reminds me of something familiar, as if I was always meant to wake up in that space next to you.

12:00 P.M.
I spent the day creating memories of my own in your home. I listened as your Father shared stories with me of how he found his true love and how he built his life from the ground up. I am not sure I ever told you this, but he told me that he believed I was good for you. If only he knew that my love was rooted far beneath the surface of friendship.

8:00 P.M.
We are sitting on your bed, there is distance between us and the silence is suffocating me. I am holding my knees to my chest. My body is shaking; you are quiet. I ask you if you still love me, and you tell me that you are not sure that you ever did.


"The best, and the worst day" by Mariah Gordon-Dyke (via venula)

"No, I am not dreading school any longer.
I am dreading the feelings and thoughts of missing you everyday as I walk through the big white doors.
I would see you between periods 3 and 4 and my heart would fill with joy and laughter.
You are countless miles away,
Four and a half hours didn’t seem too far away when you first told me,
But after a few long days it seems like you’re halfway across the globe.
I miss being able to sneak out during our last classes together to go out and have lunch.
I wish missing my best friend didn’t make me feel so nauseous like this too."

— (via tummmmmmy)


No, we aren’t ghosts. Cause even ghosts have a home to haunt.