Its a day, an hour, a minute at a time for me. Being alright isn’t just a spot I can stay at. Comfortability is not complacent and neither am I. I could stay in my bed 24/7 and pretend that the outside world doesn’t exist. I could take a destructive path. I could hurt myself, drink, fuck, do…
Also I am realising that eventually I will need no one to feel completeness and contentment. That’s a huge thing I’m working towards. Friends here, nah. A few of them are lovely. But the majority? Don’t need them.
Its a day, an hour, a minute at a time for me. Being alright isn’t just a spot I can stay at. Comfortability is not complacent and neither am I. I could stay in my bed 24/7 and pretend that the outside world doesn’t exist. I could take a destructive path. I could hurt myself, drink, fuck, do drugs, throw everything away. But what for? I’m being the best I can be given the circumstances. I’m making it.
I am making it for myself. Not anyone else. Not lovers not friends not family. I am joining things. Being a part of things. I am here and in my body exhausted and strained. Still with pain in my chest and knots in my stomach I am fighting to get out of bed every day. I am fighting the inexplicable anxiety that drowns me.
I am not “okay”. But I am learning to make this body my home. I also know that it’s time to rekindle my creative mind. I don’t have much time to go until college applications.
— (via italyfnf)
This time last year I was unemployed, broke, and suicidal.
Today, I just got the keys to my first house.
Give it time.
Thank you so much.
I’m in this weird stage where I don’t really like myself, but I don’t really care anymore
It’s 10 AM. I’m sitting in my car drinking my first coffee of the day and smoking my first cigarette of the day. Today seems like every other day really. But I feel like I have deeper thoughts today. Thoughts of appreciation and reflection. I stared at the sky and disconnected myself from anything…
This is such a kind and caring message. All along Real Friends has been a band that really kept me from losing my mind or feeling so alone. The fact that time was taken out to write this is incredibly thoughtful. No matter if people love or hate them, they’re still a band with friends and fans and experience and wisdom to share. I appreciate this today.
Things have been so. fucking. hard. The past four years have felt so much more overwhelming than I would’ve ever imagined. Things have changed entirely. My parents divorcing, people dying, breakups, the loss of best friends, moving to a new house, my dad being an alcoholic and coming up with a heart condition that can’t be fixed, and trying to graduate highschool in the midst of my own personal issues like depression and trying not to let it change who I am, its all been a lot. Its all been too much.
But there’s music to listen to, adventures to go on, and friends to be made. There’s life in the midst of all of this madness and I have to keep pushing through it.
Music is something that has helped me feel less alone. And that is always, ALWAYS going to mean everything to me. Thank you so much.